Eat pray love

Self-help holidays bring to mind millennials reeling from microaggressions, but after a series of ordeals I was ready to try anything.

I would love to tie a neat little bow on it and say that the holiday totally reset my brain, but of course things aren’t that simple. Instead of huffing and hoping it would soon be over, I traversed the muddy terrain with ease and was able to focus fully on the guide’s explanations about the surrounding nature. By the time I moved on to Amankila, my frantic energy had calmed a little. But as 2023 dawns and reflection on the past year is unavoidable, it stands out as one of the few flickering bright spots. While most might be content enjoying their sprawling suites, the infinity pool overlooking the river gorge and maybe exploring a temple or two, I needed to get on with the business of “healing” – or simply avoid being left with my own thoughts. Dressed in a traditional sarong and guided by a village priest, I waded into the pool and drenched myself under a crashing fountain – three times for maximum cleansing. So off I went to Bali for a week of meditation, treks and (hopefully) personal growth. Speaking to hotel staff later, they insisted the shaman is far from a tourist gimmick, with locals regularly visiting to unpick their own issues. He told me he could feel my sadness – though the tired eyes and hunched shoulders may have been a giveaway. Add the general lockdown-era feeling of disconnection from family and friends and even after the first ostensibly “back to normal” year of 2022 I still felt brittle and broken. But by this point I was ready to try anything for relief. I’ve always loathed the phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” as I find it patently false.